Tantric sex offers more than just whole body orgasms and all night sex. It can increase your energy, sensual awareness and enhance the quality of your life.
Good sex is an art that requires time and attention to flourish. Busy and stressful lifestyles can take their toll and our sex lives are often the first thing to suffer. We could all do with more of the feel-good factor that comes from good sex.
Tantric sex seduces us with its promise of endless ecstasy. It guarantees orgasm and feelings of emotional satisfaction for women. And men find tantric techniques can help them to keep it up longer, even all night!
One goal of tantric sex is to expand your orgasms from local genital experiences to ‘whole body’ orgasms. These expanded orgasms are where you feel energy rushing up through your body and into the crown of your head.
The claims of tantra may seem hype – but before you dismiss it, try it out. You might end up having the last laugh – or better still, a big self-satisfied grin that comes from recollecting your sexual highs.
What is tantra?
Tantra is an ancient esoteric practice where expanded orgasm is considered a direct path to spiritual enlightenment. Tantra pre-dates Hinduism and Buddhism, but still exists in India and Tibet alongside these mainstream religions. In the West, we’ve hijacked some of the sexual techniques in our quest for sexual satisfaction. Learning tantra can help you live life to the full.
If you feel disillusioned with sex or have lost your desire for it – or your partner – make it a priority to awaken your libido. Just as Freud considered libido the motivating force in life, tantra assumes that a powerful current of sexual energy flows through our body. Make a commitment to yourself to explore your sensual nature. We all deserve sensual pleasure and sexual fulfillment.
Couples who have brought tantra into their bedroom claim that the sexual techniques make for a more fulfilling relationship all round. Love-making lasts much longer the tantric way – instead of a few minutes the whole process lasts hours. And as your sexual connection with yourself and your partner deepens, your desire for sex increases and the quality of your sex life vastly improves.
One of my favourite exercises is the yin-yang game, where each partner tries to fulfil the other’s wishes for an agreed period of time. You could ask your lover for a total body massage or a ‘g-spot massage’, giving him feedback so that he can extend his sexual expertise. You can use this exercise as a safe way of exploring your sexual fantasies, or simply as an opportunity to voice your own desires as they arise – something that can be hard for women to feel they have a right to.
If you need to reawaken your desire for your partner, try shaking your bum vigorously to some lively music to stimulate the energy in your pelvis.
Before tantric sex it’s good to energise your body through dance or movement and then allow yourself to relax into a dynamic state of meditation. Allow your breathing to slow and harmonise together. Sit facing each other as you open your heart and connect, before touching your partner in an erotic way.
For women, the best way to stimulate sexual appetite is to spend much more time on foreplay than intercourse – many men forget that most women need at least half an hour pleasuring to warm up. Try the ‘caressing breath’ where you softly blow over your lover’s naked skin, or a delicate ‘erotic touch’ where you tantalise the skin with the edge of a feather or your fingertips.
You can arouse your man’s desire by dancing for him, or playfully exploring ‘penis reflexology’ – the idea that there are different zones along his penis which correlate with the subtle energy coursing through his body. Gently massage the back of his penis from the base up towards the tip, while you cradle his scrotum with your other hand. Make small circular motions, as your partner breathes slowly and relaxes into the unexpected sensations.
You can prepare for tantric sex now, even if you’re not in a relationship.
Making a habit of meditating enables you to learn to switch off your mind and let go. Surrendering is important to fully receive sexual pleasure. A good technique to master alone is relaxing into an orgasm while pleasuring yourself. Instead of tensing your thighs and muscles to achieve orgasm, bring yourself to the edge, let go and melt into the orgasm. Relaxing helps the waves of pleasure spread throughout your being.
Try this for a taste of Tantric sex
Create a sexy ambience with gentle new age music, which gradually builds up to a rhythmic beat. Try tantra music or hypnotic new age music.
Stimulate your partner visually by dancing for him, and awaken the senses by feeding your lover delicacies, wafting perfumes or essential oils under his nose, and gently stroking his skin with feathers or fabrics like fur, while he’s blindfolded.
Connect by sitting opposite each other, not talking. Gaze into each other’s eyes as you breathe in and out together.
Feel your heart overflowing with love for your partner. Link the sexual desire igniting in your pelvis with the love filling your heart. Use touch to arouse each other. Your partner should spend some time concentrating on your pleasure, especially stimulating your pearl (clitoris). He can caress your pearl with his thumb while his middle finger reaches inside to rhythmically stroke your g-spot.
When you’re fully aroused, invites your lover to enter you. Sit upright with your legs wrapped around each other.
Intensify sexual energy by visualising your breath swinging up and down the centre of your body, from your joined genitals to the crown of your head. (This is quite complicated to synchronise and is described in detail in all my books.) You will feel energy rushing up your body from your genitals – the whole body orgasms. Remain focused on breathing together, and relax into your pleasure rather than rushing for a genital orgasm.